Lifes Defining Moments

Life is racing past me! I don't know what to think anymore. Today was my dream date! October 8th, 2008.
I look back over the past and say to myself. The Lord has been good, I can't complain. I can only praise!

The sky is blue, the air is chilled, the rush of autumns breeze sweeps the earth. Snow flurries blow in the wind, as the leaves take their last fall..... death.

I sit here in the office, ready to go out and do my usual responsiblity. The love of my life has just left the room to go to class, I am alone........

My heart is talking to me, it feels as though it moving much to fast for its usual pace. I try to calm it down, but it won't listen. It keeps rushing as though it needs to get some place fast.

I am 23, and I am watching the world spin around me. What is most important? The materialistic side of the earth, everything I missed, everything I wanted to accomplish, but never will yet the other side rings out from the depths of the earth. DEATH!!!

Home sweet Home......... beyond the wild blue yonder.....

well last night, I talked to 'Hank Hill', in my opinoin it was more like talking to George Strait. He seemed to be an interesting person. He can keep a conversation going pretty well, while my younger brother was shouting his head off for a peanut butter sandwhich...so I had to get off.. I talked to Kat later on... she seems to have 3 all falling for her..

I went to Harper with Asha, we met up with Josh and hung out in the office. He made some really good cookies.. We were in the office, when Victoria walked in and yelled at us all.. So we went downstairs.. and met with Todor, Josh was getting all defensive about him being there.. then we did what we had to do, and went to the Mall.... Josh met us there..  Asha went to work and then we met up inside of Apple with Andre and hung out for awhile. we went to McDonalds and then left after going to hot topic and claires... it was okay, but there were Tornado warnings out!

The girls, Annie, Carrie, Amy, liz and Elizabeth called and asked if we wanted to hang out, but we decided against it...so they caught the train and then Asha called saying she was gonna came over. I talked to Hank Hill for the first time on chat... we had chinese food, and then we all left for the train. It was cold, but not too bad out. Asha gave me two sets of lotion and I gave her a Hello Kitty hair dryer!!!

Current Mood: amused

Well, it eventful to meet all those girls last night and hope they will be back again before they leave... Today Eomer announced he was courting on his page, I am happy for him, but at the same time somewhat lost... my mental emotions are afraid to let our friendship go, though she is perfect for him... I just somehow miss his attention.

I opened my PM box tonight, and my friend Jeremy was bothering me... then outta the blue this guy named Kevin wrote me, he seems to be a very intelligent, rather cute guy. Odd, I don't get messages outta the blue from guys... I was just about to leave HSA anyway, now that I have graduated, and have the possiblity ot taking of for the USAF with this contract offer... now, another character to keep me on HSA.... lol... ehhh, let it slide!

Current Mood: curious

Yes... I have officially sunk into what I call 'New Years' blues!!! The weather may be affecting me, since I am very prone to react to pressure changes. Gray, warm, balmy... and quite nice actually... The biggest mistake is to read your prior year journal, and all the memories. I find myself sleeping like 12 hours a day lately, which is shocking, since I was the kind that worked nightshift, fulltime school, and a day job.... Thought patterns can bring this on according to my Dr., who believes you can change everything through mindset and I am now seeing he is quite right. It is the immortal fear to face the day and reality of life as it is passing me by. I think I need a hobby or something!!! I have been trying to study Japanese, both language and culture, and its not helping my mind keep occupied. I turn off the radio, songs bring back memories; lyrics that you put to daily events.

Tonight, my best friend from college came over to see me, it was a good meeting, yet as we sat and talked.. I began to realize... we are officially done!!!! I have had her in all my classes in the past, and we hung out ALOT, now we are parting in our careers. I am going on, and she is at a standstill. Its going to be hard to let her go... school will not be the same without her. Secondly, my other best friend got married last summer, and then abandoned me... Maintaining friendships for me is important, when my girlfriend in the Airforce just got deployed, I totally lost it. I cannot live without her, even if I didn't see her, at least I got to talk to her, now she is overseas, and I cant even call her..... there are those moments when I totally regret not going with as she asked me so many times before. I had my life to live, but when it comes to living my own life, or going to be with someone who wants me in their life, because I would be an encouragement.. I am damn selfish I wish I wasnt that way, but... then I do love my family, so is that being so selfish or am I using them as an excuse to avoid the need of others in life. Can I justify doing this?

It should be a good year, but 2007 really sucked the life outta me, financially, educational, and emotionally as I worked to cut those lasting ties with ******... so I pray and hope that this year won't leave me an utter failure at life.

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Current Mood: anxious

We kicked off the Holiday beach bash at noon today. I got there early for setting up the tables, and Kourtney was there doing homework... we got our table made. Then Carl came and we got the rest put together. Alaine was Dj'ing, it was cool. She looked so cool with her green leis. They had some disgusting mushroom balls, but good chicken. We had some games and stuff.... Mr. Mistletoe was there and we got our picture taken with our hats on ...  we hung out for awhile afterwards in cleaning up. Victoria yelled at Josh for his gangster attitude in the office.. lol

Current Mood: refreshed

Have you ever fallen in love with someone? known them for almost a year, prayed for them, encouraged them.. and then had them abandon you?

Tonight, it took me over! It was not a mere crush on a superstar or some hero. I knew this guy, I spent time and even took time to write him in OTS. I loved him, I guess you could say. I had never met someone so sweet, and so for serving the Lord. Then it happened! Yes, I suppose I didnt try hard enough, but he seems to be enjoying the company of a new female companion. I am happy for him, but yet I feel a loss in my heart. He was a wonderful friend. He listened and he cared or so he acted like he did.

Those moments of the heart, to laugh to cry to live to love, and to love even after theres no chance of being loved in return. yes! I loved you, but.... it seems like that will be a secret to the end of time. Many blessings of happiness!!!

Current Mood: crushed

I got the whole scoop on the position of a treasurer! This job looks like it will be fun, and yet quite a bit of work. Thank God I took Accounting as my minor. I met with my boss at 2:30 p.m. Everything he said seemed so foreign to me. I felt like my brain was about to burst, but I do retain like a sponge, so if I sit on it for awhile I will be okay... 

Sometimes I wonder if I don't sign up for punishment at times.. lol eh.. well. Life can be fun, or Fun can be life! 

Current Mood: cynical

Written in Litigation class....by Lola S. my Classmate!

Every night...Every day
I tell my heart-To forget you and to
Move away
Not to let you break me anymore
But oh, no matter what I say
You're so deep in my memory
Is there no way to leave you behind?

It used to be, I believed
I could go on and find someone to rest upon
Anyone,anyone...
Soon I found-There will be no other until you're gone.

Sometimes I see him where you are,
Framed against the sun blue sky
He is my love and life and I pray for when
He will be mine- so I may love again.

and I watch the rain fall from the sky
I see your face
Through every tear that I cry
With every breath and every sound
yet I can hear your voice and swear that
You're still around
Because I know
The memory won't let go
Until your gone and I will move on- and learn to love again.

Who's to say what lives in the past
Who's to say that love won't last
Time's been standing still
Waiting so patiently until
Until that one day when

(Odd how she sorta wrote this random, yet it speaks so much truth about my current life... simply amazing!!!!)

Praise the Lord!!!!.........

Accept, O LORD, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws. Psalm 119:108

Yes!!!!! I am now in my last semester and guess what... no math deterance as we thought. I walked in the testing center, completely.... calm! I sat down and passed that test as though nothing every happened, nor did I fret a day in my life. Ahh, well I tried to pretend that part. I know Who was in control of that test and how things went. He truly is an awesome Friend!!!

I was only in there like 18 minutes, and I aced it, after fighting since the day I enrolled at school to pass that test.

 So.... now all I have to do is win student senate this upcoming week and I will be quite on the roll....

Current Mood: optimistic

 It is late for this weather, but we have had almost three weeks straight of rain, nonstop . My bedroom flooded out, and so we had to move all the furniture out and put down new flooring, since the carpet was all soggy and useless and smelled really bad... We had one nice day of no rain last week, and so we all went out to a motorcross race and had a blast with some friends. Half of the pictures I took, look really fuzzy, since you cant catch those guys in motion. A few of our neighbors were in the competitions, and a about 4 guys wiped out on their bikes, hard enough to go to the hospital, but it was a grand time to just chill.... for the rest that is . I don't think chill would be the right word for me.... had a strange fever, with no other syptoms for the past week... I am assuming it means that there will be another evil trip some dentist or Dr.. whichever decides what is causing it....

We had another visit from Linc, he is a kool guy to hang out with, and we are singing on his show this Frinight! He helped us out on Sunday morning keep us company, since it has been about 3 weeks, since we have been able to go to church.

and.... the breatholding news about school... the administration is changing some of their policies, just the semester I have to graduate. Math is holding me down, but I fear I may end up getting an extra semester load on my Associates and I really want out of school this semester... O-U-T!!!!! There are other important things to life besides school...

Current Mood: aggravated

So I suffered through one more semester of *life*. Of course, I got stuck with two classes, that I will so not take again. Contract law, ---we were literally writing 2 hour contracts in class by hand, no pc, laptop, nothing… yikes! My hand was numb for hours

The other class was a stupid sociology 101 --class full of evil deconstruction-ism . It is so contrary to biblical standards. The only reason we have social problems in this day in age, is from sin and the fear to change and reform. So…, I get up Friday morning and check my email, and there is a nice little taunting email from my soc prof… UGH! I could not believe what I got in that class,….
 

I am happy to say I have one semester left at this horrid school, and I will be a free jail bird…. Now it is time to do something new in life besides the usual grind… something drastically new, .. not sure what that will be, but we shall see…….

Current Mood: annoyed

Simple, elegant, and traditional….. The only blooper was, our best performance camera fell over and busted the lense. Thank God, we had two videographers (One was my dad and other was Nick a TV broadcaster for Indiana), and 3 photographers on hand.

July 6^th, We arrived an hour late after getting lost in no mans land.  Sis, Toni and I decorated the gym for the wedding with the brides mom and Mother in law (MIL), it looked really lovely when we were done. Sis made a special tull entrance arch to the hall, since we didn’t have any ballons for the arch.... She is so creative!!! Afterwards, MIL took us all out to dinner at Arby’s, and we then went over to meet the groom. He called and said he was going to dress up like a woman with his groomsmen and greet us at the door, so when we got there sis and I walked in and said “So.. where’s the women?” lol… We met B.A., yep that was his name, and he was a real character. You could place him in ‘pirates of the Caribbean”. We ate there (since we had bought carry out) and Toni, Chris, and B.A. went to watch some movie about NASCAR and then started to play ‘Need for Speed’. MIL was really particular about the ironing of my gown, it was almost overkill. Oh, I forgot to mention the house. I think this place was sterilized beyond that of a hospital, I was afraid to even walk in… emmaculate isn't the only word for this place....

Toni decided to hang out with the guys, while we gurls all headed back to the church for the rehearsal. We saw a cop on the way there… nothing new to me, but MIL flipped out and called Chris to warn him about his whereabouts. She said they NEVER see officers down there. I can’t believe that, we see at the minimum 50 a week here.

So anyway…. We gurls decided to beat the guys to the church and called them every 5 minutes to see if they were coming… They kept saying stuff like “Getting our shoes on”, “Locking the house now”… “Just hit the road”. Little did we realize…that even though we got there early, the pastors wife was annoyed by our lateness. geez!  The guys had been there before us for awhile. They put the pedal to the metal in that one and took a short cut, lol....

Rehearsal was a breeze, I was ordered to be the first one in, since I was the determined girl from Chicago who had no stage fright,  sure, sure... we practiced some and then hung out until 9, when dad and mom came back from Greenville Ohio to get us. we went to the hotel and then walked down the road and hung out at McDonalds for awhile. It was about 12 a.m. when we finally went to bed. The next morning the wakeup call wouldn't quit, I think the phone had some form of tourettes, lol.  We discovered that Jamie Buckley was staying in our hotel we heard their racket outside the night before, one of the reasons we couldn't sleep to begin with. Anyway, I steered clear of his band members, since I have a thing against the army, lol....

We got to the church an hour late, since we couldn't get everyone ready and packed as fast as we would like, and so sis was rushing to do hair, and I, the make up. There was one point in time, when I was doing the Brides mom's hair as Heather was rolling mine in hot rollers.... that was a real site. Assembly line hairdressers, lol.

Ceremony was very beautiful but brief, it was such a short wedding, sermon was really awesome, though. He spoke of marriage as being a monument, and when founded on Christ, a firm and strong monument. Afterwards, we got Kirsten (that helped out earlier) to put on her believeably face and ask the groom for the keys to his car. He gave them to her, thinking that she really needed to put Omby's clothes in the trunk. Now the bride had told us all "No tricks", but too bad, I am about pranks  and I was going for it. So my sister got the usher, and my brothers outside to blow up balloons, and as soon as we were dismissed from the recieving line, (where I had the pleasure of meeting the Chief financial officer of the F-16's for the USAF, he was a really cool guy, but I was sure near retirement age) I found MIL and got her leftover lipstick from her. She was all really about doing this too, so she came out and started wrapping the car with plastic wrap, as we wrote all over the windows, and filled the car with balloons. The guys tied metal pie pans behind the wheel! The groom caught me breifly on my way in the hall and asked me for his keys, to which I replied, "your groomsmen took then into the forest out back and lost them. They said they are making a treasure hunt for you and Omby"....  He believed me and took his bride out the back of the church to see, it was hilarious!!!! We finished out work in time to get in the hall for the reception pics. I told the groomsmen to wipe the smirks off and get innocent or we would be in trouble. John (Usher) later walked by the bridal party table covered with lipstick, which led to questions from the bride. All the groomsmen asked about it too , and John said, it was from sis, she had it all over the purse he was carrying. Yeah, we lied, lol....

After the cake cutting ceremony took place, (this is where I was introduced to Nick)... we all trooped out to the car where the rest were blowing bubbles,... the brides face was amusing, but Chris got a real kick out of it. Omby looked at us like "O no, not this". Digging her way into the car was really fun stuff, and then came the balloon popping. They left about 2: p.m. for their honeymoon, it wasn't until then, the excitement was gone, and I realized for the first time that day, I was puddling up. I couldn't help it, she was my best friend and practically my older sister, and now she was a Mrs. and moving on. We all do grow up I know, but it seemed like yesterday, she and I were out shopping on her birthday and well... just enjoying life.... 

 We cleaned up the church, and about 3: p.m. hit the road for Chi... It was a fun and memorable day!!!!

Current Mood: contemplative

Today, we had Kittens! 5 of them... I claimed the black one as my own!

Today is also Fathers day! Today is also my brother Tony's Highschool graduation!

Yes,.it was also about 94 degrees. I about died in the loft taking pictures and video. That place was a sweat box..... egh!

Secondly, we .had about 3 family's come over after the party. ..We partied until about 12 a.m. with every game, and then ran outside to the park. yes loads and loads of fun!!!! 

Current Mood: drained

Height?
5'4" - 5'4 1/2"

2. Have you ever done drugs?
No

3. Do you own a gun?
Should I tell that kind of stuff out!

4. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Not usually, I am bigger than my doc.

5. What do you think of hot dogs?
They are not worth eating actually.

6. What's your favorite Christmas song??
Let it snow!

Current Mood: artistic

It was still very cold out. However the snow was all gone from the rain. I was going to go to court this morning, but was having palpitations about the wet conditions.

 I got a 90% on my real estate law  test, and a 100% on the other for family law, so I don’t think I am doing that bad off, just becuz the weather is cold, perhaps its making my brain smarter. Asha, Maria, and I went out to the super china buffet. Maria decided it wasn’t a good idea to eat herself sick, but Asha and I dared to eat more than the other. Yeah that lasted real long, lol. It was for fun, but if we had continued, we would have been late for class, so we ended up leaving. Twas a swell idea or my mom would wonder why I came home deathly ill..  

Current Mood: complacent

We had 3 inches of snow today. It was threatening to snow for the past few days, but it finally just came down on us. Matt was out plowing like all day, and when I went to school I stepped in the biggest heap of snow, and froze my feet right off. It was so not funny, and I was so not believing this was actually happening. I just planted the peas, so now what?

Current Mood: annoyed

Got up early. We were having  a church breakfast so we had to leave earlier for church than normal. Its only 6 minutes away, so it was not to bad…. The getting up early and all.

We got there and they just started. I sat with Matthew W. he is such a funny boy, we had a great fun with the colored hard-boiled eggs. K. was bothering me and B. had to sit at our table. It was apparent to us, (including mom) why he was there with K, so I moved as far to the other end as I could. After breakfast and quick clean up, Pastor Phil rehearsed the baptism. Joy, Kari and I were all to march down the hall and get ready downstairs than enter the back entrance.

The church was FULL there were so many ppl we ran out of seats, anyway, the cue came and so Joy and I went downstairs. Kari was in her robe and out. I took a lil while, since I mine was not in the best condition. Anyway, no matter, we were marching up the stairs. We heard Michael go first and he came out and told us it was soooooooooo hot, he almost died. Now Joy and I started to laugh which was not good, Mrs. W. had to tell us to be quiet for fear of being heard. Kari went next and than I went. The minutes I stepped in that tub, I was scorched. I knew my face had to be burning red and not from embarrassment, it was truly hot. Twas worse when I went under! Ouch! Anyway…. It was a great experience, it happened fast and Pastor Phil confessed later, he was in no mood to sit in that tub another minute before he died from the heat.

We left church after K. took photos. All the restaurants were full, but we ended up finding a Pizza Hut that was opening at 4: p.m. and we arrived like 5 minutes early, so it was nice to have the whole place to ourselves.

Current Mood: thankful

Didn’t do much today. It was Good Friday, and I found this interesting cartoon.

The conversation went like this:

“ 1^st Person, “I don’t like good Friday”.

2^nd Person, “Why?”

1^st “because they killed my Lord that day, what is so  good about it?”

2^nd, “Just think he loved you so much, he did it all for you, so you didn’t have to when you died, now how do you feel?”

1^st person “Good”….

We went to the service, it was nice and quiet and very refreshing!

Current Mood: calm